Lose your fake friends, find your real friends

 

One of the most challenging obstacles I had growing up was being able to distinguish genuine friendships from fake friendships. I’ve given too many people too many chances, and ended up being burned in the end.

Several of these circumstances could’ve been solved if I had simply stood up for myself. In 2017 I made a New Year’s resolution to be less docile. Passivity has been one of the biggest burdens in life, and I’m determined to put that to rest.

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Photo by Richard Nguyen/THE FLARE

In this past year I have lost two friends, which has made me realize how toxic they really were in my life. We shared tears, laughs, and many great adventures throughout friendships, but the bonds I had built ended up being very much one-sided. I had one friend admit to not caring about me, she just enjoyed using me and one friend who completely shut me out because she was moving away to college and didn’t want to deal with me anymore; however, these friendships were not a waste of time. Having people like them in my life has made me grow and flourish as a person and be more aware of a person’s intentions. It also revealed to me the person I never wanted to become.

Listen to your parents when they question if your friend is genuine. Most of the time they are able to spot your fake friends before you are. Do not place your trust in everyone you meet. Believe it or not, not everyone is as loyal as you. Most of the time, the information you shared with said “friend,” won’t stay between the two of you. There are friends you can have a great time with, without revealing anything personal about yourself too.

Upon losing friends this past year, I’ve met some of the most genuine friends I’ve ever had. Having people in my life who showed me the true meaning of a friend was a bit of a culture shock. it was something I had never really had. The people in my life now go out of their way to help me and show me that they care and I do the same for them. If there was ever any sort of conflict, I know our trust in each other is strong enough to work through it. The friend

ships I have now are the ones I’m terrified of losing. I owe it to the two friends who decided I wasn’t good enough to keep around. If they wanted me to write kindly about them, they should’ve behaved accordingly.

Those two friends have since realized what they lost. The friend who completely shut me out because she was moving away to college and didn’t want to deal with me anymore, reached out to me a few weeks ago trying to take me out dinner. I accomplished the impossible. I stood up to the girl who had sent me an apology text message so long I had to click on it to expand, degrading my character and doubting my ability to be courageous. I told her I did not feel comfortable sitting across from someone who had such mean things to say about me.

The friend who admitted to not caring about me has been very quiet. We haven’t spoken since the day she tried to convince me she didn’t mean it when she said she “didn’t care about me,” but I’m not open-minded to having a friendship with someone who only needed me as someone to fall back on because her boyfriend was her only other friend at the time. It was evident especially after she started dating her boyfriend, that she really didn’t care about me.

I forgive them of course, and if they really needed me I’d be there for them, but my time without them has been so much more fulfilling than it was when I was friends with them.

They’ve missed out on the last eight months of my life, and I’ve missed out on the last eight months of theirs. I still care and think about them often, but I‘m forever grateful that these women have led me to true friendship. I’m not bitter and I wish them well, and I hope my compassion, empathy and the support I showed them throughout the duration of our friendship has helped them grow as people als0.